I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
