you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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