yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
