I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
