she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
