I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
