its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
