just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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