I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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