let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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