Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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