Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
