I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
