Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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