I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
