My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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