I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
