i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
