I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
