Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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