I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
