im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
