You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize