Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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