we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
