you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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