doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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