U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
