I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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