She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
