at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
