What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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