some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
