can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
