im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize