you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
