Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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