I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
