i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
