He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
