pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
