This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
