I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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