hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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