Small penises have feelings too.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
