woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
