Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
