I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My vagina is very pro this idea
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
