Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
