I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We talked him into tasing himself.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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