So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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