I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My life is pants optional.
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