Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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