I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
