You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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