we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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