I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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