Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
