your thong is hanging out like whoa
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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