We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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