Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
