I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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