haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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