I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
