why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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