last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
