you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
