He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
