It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she looked like the before picture.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
