awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize