i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
