You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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