It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am naked and annoyed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
