hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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