Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
