You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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