and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize