i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
