No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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