We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
