have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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