Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
