didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize