i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
